I used to actually despise turning to Jesus about certain areas of my life. I wanted to be able to do things independently without having to rely on Him. I would think to myself that everyone else has it so easy because they don’t seem to need God and I needed God so desperately, I thought that it was a weakness to be in need of Jesus. I had to repent of this attitude the other night, because there is nothing wrong with depending on God for anything and everything. It says in The Bible,
Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
We need to as it is also written in The Bible
2 Corinthians 5:7 Walk by faith and not by sight
It is a beautiful experience to put all one’s worries, concerns and everything into the hands of Jesus, rather than holding onto it so tightly that it can then turn into tormenting and crippling anxiety.
Before I was a Christian, I remember that I used to worry about everything. I’d worry that my Mum would be in a car wreck on the way home and die and not come home. I worried about what people thought about me. I just wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone that I came into contact with. I stressed about the way that I looked, because I used to think that I needed to look a certain way or be in the latest trend of clothing and I wanted to look my best every time someone; a stranger may have glanced at me, even if I was just going out to the shops to go grocery shopping. I felt that I had to look like how all the celebrities looked in the magazines that I would obsess over. While other people my age, were building careers, getting married and having children, I worried about what I looked like and wondered where my life was headed. I was a uni drop out, with an okay job and a boyfriend who I had been with since I was fifteen, who didn’t seem interested in marrying me. What was I doing with my life? Not an awful lot, it seemed. With every passing day, it just seemed like I was just circling the drain and that my life was going down the toilet, slowly but surely. I was estranged from my family and I didn’t know how to be a good friend to anyone. I was so isolated. I was so hopeless, helpless and didn’t know God, because I had rejected Him after the passing of my Dad.
Then I met Jesus years later and I have fallen head over heels in love with Him. That may sound strange, because I’m married. But when I think about what Jesus has done in my life, it makes me wanna drop to my knees every time, for every blessing, every moment, His love, His grace, mercy, goodness and faithfulness to me every day, every minute, every second, He is always and has always been so very good to me. The thing is, that I don’t deserve any of it, yet He chooses to love me, to forgive me and redeem every time I fall down. He’s always there to pick me up and help me to keep moving forward to win the race. So that one day I will hear Him say, just like He says in The Bible
Matthew 25:21 “…Well done, good and faithful servant…”
I just want to be good to Jesus, in the way that He is so good to me. Of course, this is not possible, because I am not perfect like Jesus, but I can try to do everything I can with my being to be devoted to serving Him all the days of my life. This is my heart’s desire, because I just love Him for everything and everyone that He continues to bless me with. I heard someone say a couple of weeks ago that, “Life begins at 40.” But I say “Life begins with Jesus.”
Blessings
MH
