Invisible hands

Hands reaching out with no one to hold
you’ve been abandoned with no place to go
Wounded and wanting, such desperate times
Cold bitter tears are filling your eyes

Get a glimpse of Jesus for He is right there with you
He knows just what you need

’cause when life gets broken, when you’re in despair
He’ll carry your burden when it’s too much to bear
It’s down in the valley where He’ll give you strength
And there is nothing you have lost that He can’t replace
He’ll help you start all over again
When life gets broken

You hoped God would heal it, but the storm raged and raged
Now it’s hard to imagine how you’ll make it through the day
Weeks turn to years, time’s passing you by
But you’re still holding on to the how’s and the why’s

So get a glimpse of Jesus for He is right there with you
He knows just what you need

Have you heard this song? From the very first day I heard this song… to this day, this song works wonders in me.

If you haven’t heard this song before…here is the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diozPoYA-qc

You can go through it.

You might wonder why I decided to start my testimony with this beautiful song. Answer is simple! It’s extremely relatable.

So, let’s go…!

I being the first girl child into both my mom’s and dad’s family was so much cherished and loved. As my parents lost their first child when it was in my mother’s womb, I became the answered prayer of their broken hearts. As it is said, the more you wait for it the more you value it… I was indeed highly valued in my family.

“You were a cute little baby when you were born but you was a cry baby too” My mom says… but I always answer her that it’s because I knew what is about to happen😂.

Growing up as a highly cherished daughter of this family, I slowly started developing a skin disease. When I was a baby it was simply few rashes that would go away with the application of the medicine. But when I grew up the disease also started growing up with me. Usually this atopic dermatitis (as the doctors named it) will affect only your arms, behind your knees etc. but for me it affected everywhere. Being a little girl of 6 or 7 years, it didn’t affect me much mentally. All I had was the physical torture.

In my 5^th std I changed my school to a mixed school( I was in a girls school till 4^th) and that’s when the real torture started. My disease started to become visible to everyone. My classmates (not everyone but few) started bullying me. On the break hour when everyone went out to the ground to play I had to stay in my classroom because the exposure of my skin to sunlight made my skin vulnerable. I still remember those days being the little girl I was, watching my friends playing and enjoying, I had to spend my time alone in my classroom. Then I remember one day, I broke forth my boundary of staying in class to join them in playing. But I ended up being miserable and tortured by the disease.

Back and forth we moved from one doctor to another is when the alternative medication (Ayurveda or homeopathy) turned out to be poisonous to me as they ended up giving the wrong medicines. I slowly started developing metallic infection all over my body (a condition where the medicament’s you consume starts getting deposited on your skin layers).

Then the very next doctor started giving me the right medicines to save me from the present situation but it didn’t cured the disease or the issues I faced physically.

Apart from the physical issues I was facing, this disease started affecting me mentally. I was a rejected child by the world, by my teachers (not all teachers, I did had the best teachers in the world, I thankfully remember them today), by few friends and by few far away family members. But the pain of being rejected was real. It indeed caused a deep wound in my heart I found very hard to overcome. Growing up to a teenager was even harder to me. But the tragedy struck me when I reached my 10^th std. when we half-heartedly moved to a new form of homeopathic medication (I don’t want to mention their name because if they are healing someone out there…I don’t want people to lose their trust on them) and that changed my life. I turned out to be an ugly looking person as I started losing my eye brows completely, my skin turned hard like a tree bark, my skin lesions started falling down when I touch it or wherever I sit. People looked at me with shock and disgust. You know…any other disease you only have to face the sympathy people show but a disease like this…you also have to see the disgust in their face. I started hating myself. Apart from this I started facing issue in walking as my joints resist to bend because of the extreme dry skin. I walked around like a robot…literally…without bending any of my joints. There were times when I locked myself inside a room and cried till I had no more energy to hold myself together. I applied oil onto my skin more than I drank water. My skin was literally drinking the oil. In a duration of every 15 minutes I had to sit down and calm my itching sensation by rubbing myself with comb… yes hair comb! To calm the sensation which results in fluid discharge and shedding of skin.  If I continue explaining, you will probably run away; so, I am stopping here about the physical torture I faced.

All along this journey of pain and suffering I always had my Jesus on my side. I remember one day being that small girl returning from school and entering my room to lock it. And sitting down by grabbing the bottle of oil and comb and crying to the Lord. That very day I saw Jesus sitting beside me and crying with me in my pain. Now when I remember that day I realized that more than healing, I was in need of someone to share my pain with at that very moment. I was in need of a shoulder to lean on and Jesus was there!

All this pain made me abstain myself from this world to become a mobile worshiper … yeah mobile worshiper because I kept singing and praising God wherever I am. One day as I was worshiping I saw the smiling face of Jesus. That smile… I could never contain…it was filled with the unconditional love that ended up giving tears of joy with the overwhelming love Jesus gave me.

He was always there…He was protecting me…molding me to become the girl I am today.

When I reached my 11^th grade I decided to attend a Christian youth camp because I desperately wished to get baptized as the spirit urged me to do it. There I got baptized and when the dedication day came where we can decide about our ministry back to God. They were calling everyone who is willing to go and stand in the front of the whole congregation and dedicate themselves. Being a shy girl, I refused to go but God didn’t let me stay that way. He sent me a wind from behind me (I don’t know if you’ll believe it but it was literally a wind) pushing me until I reached in front of all the congregation, I raised up my hands and surrendered my life to Jesus for full-time ministry.

From that day … that leap of faith I did… slowly took me to my complete deliverance. Till that day I met 12 doctors but every single doctor abandoned me saying we have nothing more to do. But after this very incident I miraculously met a new doctor and I miraculously started getting healed.

Until that day my parents never imagined of sending me away for my higher studies because it was actually impossible. I was at the verge of death but God transformed my life, and made me capable of going to Bangalore and God honored me there. The old rejected girl was selected as Ms. Fresher of that new batch. He blessed my academics, my life… My spiritual life…He started working wonders through me.

This broke my heart even deeper because the people I thought who will never leave actually left me after making me look like a desperate being.

But Jesus was always there…ever through such tragedies of life. He granted me with wisdom and started helping me with my songs and studio set up. I knew nothing but He taught me. If there is any instrument I know today, I never learned them… God always taught me.

He gave me the grace to encourage people through my songs, through my words, through my love. Whatever I give is everything God-given. I have nothing of my own.

He keeps transforming my life… from that rejected, broken, unworthy girl with no meaning in life, and who thought there is no future… is now a girl who is doing her masters in pharmacy, who carries God invested dreams and goals, who released 3 songs on her own.

Today I walk with purpose. I have a God-given dream to achieve. I have a future filled with exciting things!

Today…. I have a life because of Jesus!