I have no name. I don`t think I ever had no name. I want a name when I go to Heaven… given by God My Lord on a new white stone. I have a number: 9.
They don`t talk to me. They don`t look at me. Nobody knows me or anything about me. Nobody ever asks me my name. What is my name? I am just… a number: 9.
Today I have asked God, politely begged for my life, for him to take me to take my life to The Kingdom of God. I want to go HOME… To heaven, to God My Lord, to where the Holy Angels fo God are.. to Jesus Christ.
I don`t know what year it is, or where I am. I don`t know my age. I don`t know much… I`m listening to God: I speak to God all the time.. every day: God is all that I speak to.
Am I mute? I don`t know and I don`t care. Nobody knows and nobody cares. I have never spoken a word in my life. I am silent at all times… Nobody would want to listen to me even if i did talk… I know how to, but I just don`t. I don`t want to… I`m too scared to. Terrified of speaking to anybody… in my life. I trust nobody. I have nobody. I know nobody, and nobody knows me. They never ask me my name. I have no name to tell them.
For the next time… the next day.. again: I try to commit suicide. I`ve tried everything… Its difficult to do so.
I lay down on the path and look up at a bright light… The sunshine pouring out of the Heavens, and it blinds me.. so bright that its like God has appeared himself.
I beg him to please take my life: In a vision I`m standing at the top of a hill… with nobody there… Nobody can or will ever get up that hill, because the burden of carrying a weight that heavy… no.. They just all give up. Everybody looks at this big mile stone of volcanic rock, it burns their body, it scorches trheir hands, their feet spike like needles and they cannot walk… I got up here.. escaping.. what is in the great below.. of thier earth.
Infront of me at the top of the hill… There are mountains. The sky is pitch black, covered in darkness, the sun and the stars have blacked, falling out of the sky… I can see Holy Angels, flying to take my life to Heaven.
…There is deep, depp, depp water, deep oceans full of water before the volcano to get up this hill… The hill that nobody ever climbs… But I did. I did it because suffering pain and what you people call and feel as pain to you… is nothing to me: Its simply, its easy.
I tried to learn how to fly…. I tried to first learn how to fly up that hill… I knew it was possible with God, but somebody cut off my wings… Once I could fly, a long time ago.. before this earth: when I came from heaven, but i couldn`t fly, and i struggled, and it was difficult, and many times i fell down and got back up, and i could not breath, and everything hurt, but down there where you all are… that was worse. I escaped them all… The ones doing this to me.
…In the water i tried to drown myself. I could not die. There was nobody there to save my life from drowning.
As I write this, Jesus returns, and I am speaking to God: I can feel my Lord life me up…
And suddenly… I`m gone.
